Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
