I love having hate sex.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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