how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
