He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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