Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
