why do cheetos always look like penises
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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