I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
