thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
