So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm too high and old for this...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
