Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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