I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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