What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
