So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
