dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
