Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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