Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
