I need help removing her.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
