Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
