Me too!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
