Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
