okay pat passed out under dana's car
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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