if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
