I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
