do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
