why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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