After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
