I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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