he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
