how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
