Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
