My room smells like vodka and shame
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
