As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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