; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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