I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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