so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
