the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
