Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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