so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
