I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
