i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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