when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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