i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
