great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
