Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
