Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
