yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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