It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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