We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
