that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
