I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
