My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
